Fear Factor

The Fear Factor

Causes some to give up,
lose hope,
stay comfortable.
 
I guess the question is who's afraid of who.

If we could live in peace,
I guess your husband's peace of mind
would be him giving me a piece of his.

I guess they'd love to keep me trapped in the hospital,
abused, abandoned, ailing for life outside of those insanity walls.

To become a part of the "Taken" movie,
To die a slow miserable death
because of how much I entered and changed your lives.

To be sold into a slavery unspeakable
after we meet.

As if it were all leading up to the perfect time,
as if it all ends where it starts.

Our meeting being the first and last time we see one another.

I have tried so hard for you to have peace,
I've tried so hard to show you my heart,
I've tried so hard to put our my passion.

And yet you still won't stop.

So I'll just continue to pray for you.

Yes, Beloved, I understand now the meaning of
One Billion viewed "Halo"
"Heaven"
The intro to "XO"
The VMA performance of "Pray You Catch Me"
"Otherside"
even "Power"

I get it,
I see it,
I feel it.

As much as we want it now,
maybe our love is too sacred to be bound into the Earth.

And as I write this to you again with tears in my eyes
for how much I love you and want nothing more than to see you,
cherish you and your family, 
and be your friend,

I know you husband hates me
for all I am towards you,
even tho I'm not there.

So what do I do,
1. Allow my family to suffer, allow me to be taunted and threatened with the possibility of going to the hospital again.
or
2. Allow you to survive without me, disappear from your life, and stay an outsider praying to God for you and allowing you and your family space to love one another without my friendship.

All my life I prayed for someone like you.

Just know you're always with me,
even if you can't see me.

I guess he was right,
our lives our metaphors of the game of chess.

I have given all I have to give,
but I can't give in to losing my family,
my Mom and Dad,
my brother and sister-in-law.

And what good am I to you if all they want to do is continue their threats until I'm missing, lost, somewhere on the street, or laid up somewhere dead.

You can't protect me always,
all they need is one opportunity.

Just know that I'll always be watching,
and I'll play my guitar for you,
until we meet again in the Heavens.

Remember to pray,
Keep God first,
and I'll always be around

I'll miss you,
but it's only goodbye for now.

I love you and know that only the best is coming your way.

I continue to pray for you and your husband and family.

I pray the children grow healthy, respectful, humble, and wise.

I pray that God gives you more smiles than heartache.

And I pray that when it's all over it will be just as Prince said in this video at the 1 minute and
18 second mark when they zoomed in he said:  "Ashley I hope Bey sees you..." (Prince Purple Rain Guitar Solo Video)

Remember, Love covers a multitude of sins.
Also, like Paul said "Abide in Hope, Faith, and Love. But the greatest of these is love."

God bless you Beloved, one day we'll meet, God knows I will B,

Love,

~ A